Downfall

Downfall. 2236, Pogo Publishing, Lagos, Nigeria. 577 pages.

It goes without saying that the collapse of America was the defining event of the 21st century.

Historian Warren Keeler’s new book, Downfall, explores the collapse of the world’s most technologically-advanced empire in breathtaking scope, and while it leaves some to be desired — I found the scant mention of the Harriman Riots disappointing — it is still among the most comprehensive analyses of the collapse to date.

The core outline — that poorly-educated, rural Americans were taken in by a fast-talking real-estate mogul who became not only America’s last President but its first Dictator, ultimately driving the nation to despotism and ruin — this story is well-known to any schoolchild today.  Still, despite all of the analyses of the rise and eventual fall of the Trump Dynasty, few attempt to trace its origins farther back than Donald Trump’s rise to power in 2016.  Keeler’s book fares excellently in this time period, chronicling not only the rot in the Democratic Comradeship that ultimately led to the failed candidacy of Hillary Crookton, but also the weaknesses in the Strong Republicans For Strength Party that allowed Trump to rise in the first place.

Keeler also excellently covers the pivotal first three years of Trump, long before he became Grand Commander.  I had not realized, for example, that the retirement of a single Justice from the American Ultimate Court — then called the Supreme Court, apparently — was what ultimately led that Court to rule in favor of abolishing term limits on the American President.  It is also interesting to wonder what might have happened had the election of 2018 swung the other way:  Perhaps the American Legislature might have been a better check on Trump’s ambitions; with just one more Democratic vote to tip the balance toward his opposition, he might not have been able to run roughshod over the other two branches of government.

But, of course, history did not play out that way.  The Legislature quickly became Trump’s rubber stamp; laws were passed to silence all information except Foxnews and Trumpitter; and by the time Democratic leaders began to disappear at the hands of ICE, his private army, even his original supporters were too terrified to stop him.  The Battle of New York City — then simply called “quieting the insurgent rats” — was the final fight between Trump’s Blackshirts and the Hashtag Resistance, and it put an end to any attempt to stop his seizure of power.  The collapse of the American economy during the subsequent Deportations — his epithet used to describe the murder of his opposition and critics — was almost inevitable.

In the wake of Donald Trump’s reign, and the failed dictatorship of his son, nearly a hundred million people died.  And, of course, America is ruined, its landscape now badly irradiated:  Trump’s decision to use his nuclear weapons on California is rightly denounced not just today but was even denounced by some of his supporters at the time.  Yet Keeler does not attempt to place judgment on either Trump or his family:  True to his trade, he is a dispassionate historian, chronicling the facts as accurately as he can from the remaining records, many of which were lost in the collapse of the internet.  I would have liked stronger opinions from Keeler on the worst of Trump’s atrocities, but I understand his desire to remain objective.

Ultimately, of course, without the collapse of America, the rise of the African Empire would have been unlikely.  And while our continent is strong and wise and capable, there are still technological and artistic wonders that America’s world knew that we are yet rediscovering.  One cannot help but wonder what the alternative history of Earth might have been — had the American people put up a little more of a fight against the greatest despot and mass-murderer mankind has ever known.

— Jax M’nungo

Lessons from an Old Coder

I’ve been coding for a lot of years — next year, it’ll have been 35 years since I wrote my first line of code — and I’ve worked on a lot of projects over those years.  Some of those projects have wildly succeeded, and some have absolutely bombed.  (I’d like to think my lifetime average is positive, though.)  Through all that work, I learned a lot of lessons the hard way, and today, after a discussion at work, I decided I’d share with the younger crowd some of the most important programming lessons I’ve ever learned.  The lessons below are hard-won, and they cycle through my head on every line of code I write, even to this day:

Continue reading “Lessons from an Old Coder”

Pop Quiz

I spent all day today dealing with too many different someone elses’ bad code, and it’s left me feeling irritable and grumpy and very elitist. I swear, most people really shouldn’t be allowed to program, ever.

So are you one of the good “programmers”? Are you actually solving more problems than you create? Take my “easy” ten-question pop quiz and find out!

  1. Which book is more important: Design Patterns or Antipatterns? Why?
  2. When you design any component — a class, an interface, a function, a module, a networked API, anything, in any programming language, in any environment — what’s the single most important consideration?
  3. What is the real purpose of comments?
  4. How would you go about trying to demonstrate that a piece of code must be or can’t possibly be the source of a bug? How about without unit tests? How about without strong typing either?
  5. Name at least three problems you’ve solved in the past using metaprogramming — that didn’t involve using your language’s version of “generic types” as the solution.
  6. Name at least five unrelated programming languages in which you’d be comfortable immediately switching to for your next programming project.
  7. It’s been said that design patterns are really just patches for defects in the programming language’s design. Is this true? Does it apply to all languages in all circumstances? Why or why not?
  8. For your most favorite programming language, list all the features and patterns that should usually be avoided most of the time.
  9. When is copy+paste actually the right technique for code reuse?
  10. What’s the single most important quality that all good code has, no matter what project, year, or programming language it was written in?

Answered them all? Great! Go back to coding, safe in the knowledge that your code probably doesn’t completely suck. Probably.

Stuck? Can’t answer some of them? Sorry. They’re not intended to be easy questions you can just pop the answers to right out of college. Keep working on that experience level and expertise, and maybe someday you’ll be able to answer the rest.

(But if you’re really stuck, here’s a hint: Go look up Harold Abelson’s most famous quote, and see if that teaches you anything more about the right answers.)